Regarding Girls from Twelve to Sixteen

I've noticed some changes in my eldest daughter, changes signalling the approach of womanhood and her delight and fear of what's ahead.  I must admit I'm a wee bit scared, too.  You see, I've not much human reference upon which to lean.

My own mother was a wounded woman who left my growing-up to the gods.

She did not intentionally shape me, although she left a deep imprint in the clay that formed my womanhood.

She did not train me nor talk to me.

As a child, I never believed she even loved me. 

Truth be told, I fear greatly to err as she did, and yet I loathe to press too deeply my hand upon the delicate clay of my own daughters, knowing it's always best to leave the deeper cuts and shaping pressure to the Father, the one who formed them and for His purposes.

"Nursery days are gone, the land of make-believe is fading away, growth is rapid, and we are startled to find ideas and opinions fixing themselves of which we cannot trace the source. Curiosity and enquiry are stronger than ever, eyes and ears are wide open for knowledge, but there is not always the appeal to our advice or permission which implied that we could supply every sort of help, and a silence and reserve creeps over our child for which we were not prepared. We wonder how far it will go; will there soon be a wall of separation which we cannot cross?" (Mrs. Hart Davis, PNEU)

This shift in our relationship has not been lost on me, and, at times, it can be rather puzzling.  From loving ruler and gracious dispenser of all knowledge, I'm now becoming coach, head cheerleader, and the source of comfort and refuge from both the world-at-large and from the deep unknown of the experiences that lie ahead.  Olivia is becoming a young woman with ideas and desires inspired from her own education, both religious and academic, and shaped from her own experiences. 

Thankfully, there are some tangible and practical things to be gleaned from Charlotte Mason and those who followed in her footsteps, educators who all accepted without argument a Christian worldview much like my own.  These tidbits, married with hours in prayerful pose and tireless spiritual feeding, will help me to learn the ropes of first mate to my daughter, as she navigates these sometimes rough waters of adolescence:

CONVERSATION

"If really good conversation of grown-up persons with cultivated minds can be secured, children should be trained to listen to it and value it."

There cannot be too much of it, if it is of the highest and most uplifting sort.  My daughter needs and wants my ears to be open and my heart to be wide.  She wants me not only to believe in her, but to tell her I believe in her ability to capture the very best in life, at home and at-large.  She wants me to share myself with her, to tell my own stories of childhood and adolescence, to relate to her, to open wide the door of my heart so she feeld confident in opening her own timid heart to share her own pains and joys.  And I don't want to miss this! 

My daughter cannot get enough of my stories or enough of my womanly candor.  We're a family with few boundaries, having endured and continuing to endure much.  I've learned that I can be vulnerable with my children, entrusting them with meaty thoughts and messy emotions while retaining their utmost respect and receiving their rich compassion.

EMPLOYMENT

"Secondly, let us turn their minds to plans of work that can at once be carried out for others."

Not in the very sense of it, as if, "Send your daughters out to get jobs already!"  But in service to others.  Give a daughter something meaningful to do; give them someone whom they may serve; employ them! 

In our home, Olivia serves my youngest son, reading to Ian and keeping close by to him as he practices the art of folding laundry.  He adores her for it, and she in turn has discovered his previously hidden-to-her charms. 

Olivia serves our church.  As I stand idly nearby, she weekly organizes and delegates the preparation of refreshments ... well, the cutting of fruit and such. 

Olivia serves her ballet conservatory, helping younger dancers, giving sewing lessons, and weekly cleaning its interior.

Although these small acts of service designed by a simple mother are good, what I desire are those acts which are best: service stirred up her own heart.  Only yesterday Olivia said, "I've decided that my goal this year is to befriend [someone outcast or misunderstood]."  Olivia knows exactly whom she plans to pursue with her whole loving heart and I couldn't rejoice more, praising the One who indeed is her heart's Navigator!

DOMESTIC ARTS

"One is asked how far can girls undertake household tasks, mend their clothes, learn housekeeping, while they are hard at work/school ... I am quite sure there is nothing they value so much in after life as an insight into the money value of common things and the daily management of a household."

Not chores--ARTS!  I can teach my daughter to serve her present family while preparing her to serve her own future family, and I can teach her to love it.  Really??  Well, I must first model that love for household service, right?  Not easy, but thankfully not impossible.  Indeed, Nothing is impossible!

In the practical sense, I've allowed her a say in how to arrange furniture in our family room, the freedom to set the table as she wants, and the time and materials to pursue the handicraft of sewing.  She sees already how greatly sewing can benefit a family, like ours for now. 

The near-end result will be, in a time of an emergency I will be able to find comfort in knowing my home and my children are in capable and loving hands ... not to mention, on Mother's Day I'm nearly guaranteed more than dry toast and tea, right?!.  And an end result?  Joyfully service to her own family and community through the arts domestic.

EDUCATION

"Returning again to the education question, what can I say but this, at every stage let girls have the best teachers you can afford ... an education which shall be an equipment for life, whether they must earn their own living or whether they will have others to work for them."

Of this, I need not speak too much.  I mean, that's why we homeschool: to provide our children with the best education possible, an education of the highest value, intrinsically tied to our Maker and our chief end.  I endeavor, as you do, to educate the whole of my children--body, mind, and soul--and choose materials accordingly.  I want my daughter to walk away from home with a love for her God and a head filled with the best and highest thoughts.  I don't worry about educational gaps--there will be gaps!  I cannot cover and infinite amount of wisdom and knowledge in a finite period of time, and I'm okay with that ... really.  I am much more concerned with gaps of wisdom, with gaps of relationship, with gaps of compassion, with gaps in complete devotion.

If I till the rich soil of my children's selves, implant the very best seeds I can find, fertilize with the Word, and allow the Holy Spirit to take the lead in pruning, how can I not be satisfied?  If my children leave my home with quick and inquiring minds and a love of learning, firmly grounded in Truth and stirred to goodly and godly action, they will be wary of weeds and receive a harvest beyond measure!  He promised.

PRIVACY

Any woman totally gets this ...  a space of our own and a wee bit of time to ourselves.  'Nuff said.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (Corinthians 5:17)

Aren't you overjoyed that our efforts are not defeated by our pasts?  I know I am!